Willow was at her wits end. Sitting at the dinner table with the Bible, as the line from Grey’s Anatomy resounded in her head

Angry, frustrated, disappointed, and mostly tired physically, but ordinary!

You are probably wondering: What’s so bad?, what’s wrong with ordinary?

Nothing… if I wasn’t Willow.

Willow is independent, determined, and focused on where she needs to be in an effort to not replicate her past. Willow is the child sitting knees folded amongst her friends as they envisioned their escape, a life when they held full control; discussing her transition from childhood to adulthood.

Willow’s conversation was more than a vison for her.

At the table Willow found herself desperate to get a clear understanding with God because emotionally disappearing in a crowded room, mentally spirally in a silent room, or conveying such joy to the world when internally she felt the opposite was a familiar rollercoaster. However, this Friday evening alone in the dimly lit lighting she knew from the more than usual zombie like presence in her life that she had to talk to God honestly about what she was feeling because…well, waiting it out was not working.

I encourage you to surrender your truth, your concerns, your fears, or really everything to God despite how ugly you think it is. I’ll let you in on a secret…He already knows! Please do not get me wrong this was not the first time that Willow had spoken to God and it became more frequent the older she got, but the conversations were always with some restraint.

Ya girl was probably still in the dating phase when it came to a relationship with God.

Some part of her questioned if she genuinely believed or if she could really trust Him. What was God’s breaking point? But, these questions made no sense because Romans 8:39 says,

Reading this scripture while “ordinary” resounded in her ear, she thought “what do I have to lose.”

• She was mentally comparing her current job, her life, and her appearance.
• She was drained and could not envision herself getting up, getting dressed, and doing another day at that mundane job.
• She could not understand how she had let herself down.

Ordinary was telling her that she had not accomplished anything that she had envisioned for herself. Willow was not perfect nor was she “ordinary”. In fact, 1 Peter 2:9 reads, “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession.” It even goes on to say, that God “called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” Therefore, her attempts at perfection and focus on obtaining material things distracted her from this truth that God wanted her and He was calling her out of this emotional rollercoaster. Since, Willow did not obtain these things or check these boxes, she labeled herself “ordinary”, and convinced herself that God had not done his part. So instead of continuing to feel disappointed, angry, and frustrated she repeated Matthew 16:23 which was when “Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.” I mean “what did she have to lose”. Willow was having an open-heart conversation, letting God in for real. The fact that Willow dreamed or had an expectation from God was not the concern, but these scriptures were speaking to her uncertainty about God being who he said he was.

Yeah, yeah,

I know, I’m Willow!

I had to do it on my own!

You must do it on your own, right?

Wrong!

The truth is

Willow was measuring success by her own definition and demeaning herself because she felt like her vision failed and things were not happening for her. But these scriptures were saying that she didn’t have to feel this way because “Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them.” Willow questioned herself and allowed the truth about where her feelings were rooted to be broken by Jesus because He is “the Way, The Truth, and the life…” John 14:6 Overall, obsessing and comparing was keeping her in the dark, but her words held the power to the light because John 17:19 says, that Jesus gave himself as a holy sacrifice for us “ so they can be made holy by your truth.”

Have you told yourself the real “Truth”?

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